Shallower than the kiddie pool

I don't get introspective here on my blog. Normally, cyberspace is where people bare their souls to complete strangers for attention and comments like "ur awsum srsly!" But I try not to. I am only interested in introspection as far as it's related to moving furniture around and trying to decipher things Paul says (like yesterday when he said, "Hey mom, you know that song 'Hometown California?'"* The dog knows I died laughing. What dog, you ask? Nevermind).

Why don't I get deep on this blog? Because I'm not deep. I am 5 foot 4 inches; how deep can I be? I'll never be poetic--my poetic attempts are limited to odes to oatmeal and random rhyme schemes (I also favor alliteration, but not very often). I can't describe a scene of tear-jerking nostalgia or love in language chosen to rip your heart out with pangs of desire for bygone days and teddybears and childhood. (and I mix metaphors) I much prefer yammering on about band concerts, old photos, lists of ten things, and playing "guess the reference."

But events have conspired to hit pause on the DVD player of my life (my metaphors lack finesse, don't they? They are like using a scrub brush to paint a miniature portrait) and I found myself spending an inordinate amount of time thinking in the past few days. No, not about the meaning of life (We are merely spiraling coils of self-replicating DNA-nay-nay-nay... Name that tune!) (other answer: 42. Ah, if I live long enough to be 42, I will blog on the answers to Life, The Universe, and Everything....any other Douglas Adams fans out there?). No, I am pondering why. Why do people do the things they do, or say the things they say? And then pondering the chance that perhaps people who do things and say things do not realize what consequences those deeds and words have.

I've had my feelings hurt recently and it completely changed my perception of a relationship.** It is interesting that a few words (6 words total) can work such magic. One minute, one image. Next minute, a complete reevaluation of my abilities, and of such things as friendship, trust, and mutual regard. One minute, hope in a description of futurity. Next minute, fear and challenge.

end of introspection, or in computer speak: [/introspection]

I have no answers. I've just been thinking and making serious faces at odd moments. (I hope my face doesn't freeze that way. I suppose it wouldn't matter if it did. You probably couldn't tell the difference anyway. I've been asked "Why are you so sad/mad?"--yes, I have! Srsly!--when I haven't been the least bit mournful or wrathful. My face is just not a naturally smiling face. At rest, my mouth turns down. And my eyes are too beady to be jolly)

And if you tell me to cheer up in the comments and are worried that I am depressed, it'll be razzberries for you. I'll roll my eyes at you too.

*He meant "Hotel California" by the Eagles. His father was sorely disappointed in his lack of knowledge about such a culturally significant song by a favorite band.
**NO, I won't tell you what happened. And none of you who read this are the guilty party or are involved IN ANY WAY. None of you. So don't ask. If you do ask, I will not respond. I am forgiving and forgetting. Well, not so much forgetting. Trying to anyway. Sadly, blogging about it doesn't help me forget things. But forgiving, I am making progress there. If you do choose to comment on this post, make it something about, oh, I don't know, shoes? Or dust, or Pluto, or random number generators, or calciferous fens, or Philly cheesesteak, or dollies, or the propensity of the bowling ball to spin to the left...

Oh, BTW, Happy last day of the old year! Time to break out a new one! Go, '09!

The end of an era

Jim had the day off work yesterday. Guess what he did?

That's right, kids, he added a third shelf to the closet and filled up the sewing room! I took stuff out of boxes and bags and put it all in place. I now declare The Great Room switch officially DONE!

Except I need a few more folding chairs, curtains, another cabinet, maybe some cupboards on the wall (no we are NOT moving the ones from Hayley's room upstairs. I need MORE cupboards!).


I have decided to move all of fake child's toys to this room so that I can sometimes reclaim my living room as a normal non-toy-infested space when fake child isn't here. She was a little miffed about that yesterday, but she'll get used to it. She won't play in here, but the toys will be stored in here on a shelf right by the door and next to the serger's table.

Weaver: I'll take the box! The box!

Kuni: You took the box? Let's see what's in the box! (Pause while Hiro-san opens the box) Nothing! Absolutely nothing! STUPID! You're so STU-PIIIIIIIIIIID!

That is my blog today. NOTHING is in the blog.

Although you all are not stupid.

I'm in a funk, although not the kind of funk where those of you who have my phone number need to call it to see if I'm ok, though. I'm fine. I just haven't showered or brushed my teeth and it's 11 a.m. It's the kind of funk a person sinks into when they read only bad news in the paper. Or when that person hears of a potential vehicle repair bill that threatens to break into quadruple digits. Or hears bad things about people. Or any number of things that make a person wonder "What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks happened???"

Hmmm. What will get me out of a funk? Random pictures maybe? Random pictures of ME? Random pictures of me as a teenager?

Yes, I think that will help. But does it help if one of the pictures is of me getting strangled by Seth? Yes, because I was being fake strangled, not for-real strangled. Seth is the bad guy in the play "The Mousetrap" and I was his intended victim, Molly Ralston. I got away though. I got rescued just in the nick of time. Most of what I remember about that play is having to haul a vacuum cleaner from one entry onto the stage to another exit point. It was a heavy vacuum. And Tim Z wearing a cape. He wore a cape well. And I had to sing "3 Blind Mice" and my voice cracked because I had a cough.

We fell over after the struggle of strangulation rehearsal.See my shoe in the picture? I LOVED that pair of shoes. I wore it until I wore big giant holes in them. I was sad when those shoes died. I loved that sweater too. Yes, Seth is wearing his pants in the cuff-roll style that makes them really thin around the ankles. It was the 80s, people, and that was COOL. Dangit, I still like pants that way. But in the interest of visual pollution, I don't wear them that way. You're welcome.

Wanna see a waxy faced mannequin?
I'm not dissing myself, really. The overexposure in this picture just makes me look like the white witch (albeit with yellow hair and pink lips). I was 19, home for the summer from my freshman year at the Y. If I could get my hair to look like that again, I would (although I'd have to have the same facial thinness too. Oh well).

Maybe something blog-worthy will happen soon so I can get back to kvetching about contemporary things.

The Black Hole days

The first couple of days after Christmas are black hole days. All matter, energy, time, and motivation are sucked into a vortex of "I don't want to do anything." I didn't have to babysit yesterday, so yesterday is a strange melange of memories involving shuffling around the house looking for something to stare at.

And that is why I didn't blog yesterday and why today's entry is so lame.

Wii wish you a merry Christmas!

Someone called my husband and asked when I was going to post Christmas pictures on my blog. And I promised that I would put some up as soon as my nails were dry (I got two colors of nail polish in my stocking! Jim knew just what colors to get!). So now my nails are dry and I need to fulfill my promise.

But buckle up because there are lots of pictures. Don't worry--if you say "Forget this, I'm not looking at all her holiday pictures," I won't be offended. You only have to look if you really want to.

The first set of pictures is from Christmas Eve.

Mom likes to entertain. Here she amuses all by busting out her moves with the dancing man. Owen had fun playing the harmonica.
Matt did a headstand for more than ten seconds. I didn't know he could do this.
Sidney helps Sophie do double duty with a harmonica while Sophie also operates the dancing man.
Now on to Christmas morning.

Jimmy gets the tomtom he wanted. Believe it or not, this is his "I am extremely happy and I would like to jump for joy but I am a teenage guy and so I'll just smirk" face.
Hayley got a Webkinz kitty. Also take note of the charm bracelet on her arm. She made it from a shrinky-dink jewelry kit she got.
She also got a Nintendo DS game. And purple pajama pants from Grandma, which she wore all day today.
Jim is pleased to find out that he got me nail polish. He's so thoughtful!
Yes, wii got a wii for Christmas. I caved on my "NO VIDEO GAMES" stance. But I played it today and I had such a good time! I love the Wii Play and Wii Sports games! I named my Mii Ivey. I don't know why.

Here is Jimmy playing Wii Golf with his GIRLFRIEND, Catelyn. He picked her up by himself. I wonder if he used his jimjim (er, tomtom) to find her house?
Matt got a green iPod shuffle. He can listen to music that I tell him he likes!
Matt got a Webkinz squirrel. He was so excited that he started vibrating. Matt LOVES squirrels.
Paul FINALLY gets full ownership of his letter jacket.
And here is the rocket man wearing his status symbol.
Do you remember when I mentioned that I won a charm bracelet? I got it in the mail day before yesterday and I love it. Today I got my first charm. Hayley made me a shrinky-dink strawberry and put it on my bracelet. Isn't it pretty?

Dad, I wish I had taken a picture of you with the kids while you were here. I'm claiming that all that cholesterol we ate for lunch clogged the arteries to my brain which caused me to not think of it. Thanks for bringing the ingredients for the punch. And thanks for the picture disk!

Jake and Steph, thanks for coming over and bringing food. I'm glad you were able and willing to come over today.

We here at the Evans household wish all of you a merry Christmas and I want to thank you for keeping up with us through this blog.

Dashing through the snow, in a two-door pickup truck...

This post has nothing to do with trucks or snow. I just liked that "two-door pickup truck" fit so well into the song cadence of Jingle Bells.

I have lots to do today and no time to sit at the computer and type up blog posts. And yet, here I sit, staring at the empty box of "tell the world (or the 8 or so family members and friends who are curious enough to check out the blog) what you think or did or like."

So here is my list of things to do today.
1. Bake cardamom bread. I had schedule to do that on Monday, but I had also scheduled myself to run errands that day as well, and if I had done BOTH, the world would have imploded and every body would have died horrible, painful, and even itchy deaths. So I decided to save the world from certain agony of not being able to reach the itchiest part of the back where you can't quite reach it to scratch at it. And death.
2. Bake molasses cookies. That was scheduled for yesterday, but I did four kinds of cookies yesterday and the day was so full that Tuesday actually said to me, "NO MORE. If you do one more batch of cookies, I will delete myself from your calendar for a month." And since I like Tuesdays, I stopped.
3. Make another batch of molasses cookies. I have to do a second batch because I suddenly came over all worried that I WON'T HAVE ENOUGH MOLASSES COOKIES! The dough I have in the fridge is in a small container and that won't make enough!
4. Pinwheel cookies. They are crying to be let out of the fridge.
5. Exercise. If I'm going to eat at all tonight, I'd best run myself ragged first.
6. Assign cleaning jobs to children. I have to bake. They have to clean.
7. Compose a post (not "compost a pose" as my brain keeps trying to tell my fingers to type)
8. Wrap presents
9. Worry that the present distribution is uneven in some way. Worry that we've forgotten to get out one of Jimmy's presents (that has happened twice. TWICE. We gave him a present a week late because we found it in the back of the closet on New Year's Eve. We wondered why he had looked a little sad on Christmas).
10. GO CRAZY.

Nativity of the day: ceramic plates that tell the nativity story in four scenes.
This is new this year. I saw it in a store last year and waited until the after-Christmas 50% off sale in hopes that it would still be there. It was, and I snapped it up. I love presentation.

Joy to the world, the sewing room is painted!

Let the sewing room receive her stuff!

Oof, it's 6:20 in the a. of m. I'm not going to try to rewrite a whole Christmas carol around the finishing of the painting of the sewing room (enough gerunds for you?) at this early hour (I'm only up because fake child arrived at 6:10 and is at present sleeping in my bed).

So Jim finished the room. Again, I would have helped but someone had to procure groceries for the family and, in doing so, had to fight crowds and wait in line for long periods of time. Bleagh. Who had the harder time, I ask you? He painted at a leisurely pace, with no one to bother him, and music he likes played in the background. I had to constantly herd a small child around and say no to requests for cookies, toys, candy, snacks, treats, sugar, more toys, and chocolate both from the fake child and from my infantile brain. And I had to brave the below zero temps and park in a crowded lot and jostle and maneuver in a crowded store and wait in line til my ears fell off from listening to muzaked Christmas songs. Then I had to whine and beg for a teenager to bring all the bags in (no I didn't. Paul was happy to help. Jimmy was conveniently visiting a friend).

Anyway, here is the room. It's quite pink.
There has been some misconception around the shoebox castle about the meaning of winter vacation. The children seem to think that it means they get to sit around and do nothing for the whole two weeks. Honestly, have they not paid attention during the countless other vacations? "Vacation from school" means "available for housecleaning." Here is a resigned teenager demonstrating MY idea of winter vacation:
Today's nativity: another sewing project. One of the sheep has since lost a jingle bell. Yes, ancient Hebrew sheep wore jingle bells around their necks to irritate the shepherds with the constant tinkling.

On the third day before Christmas my true love gave to me...

A promise that the sewing room would be all painted today.

Doesn't really fit in the rhythm scheme of the song, but I don't care BECAUSE THE ROOM IS GOING TO BE PAINTED! I'd help (yes, really) but I have to babysit and go grocery shopping and take Hayley to buy her present for Matt. And Jim likes to paint anyway. At least when he has nothing else to do (he took the day off work). He got out his "painting CDs" so he can have music while he paints.

Today's nativity picture is a pillow I stitched several years ago. It's part of a four pillow set, the other ones aren't part of a nativity scene though. I love the sheep's legs. And yes, the color is painted on with craft paint.

Yesterday=no church meetings. So I knitted this. If I add some yellow french knots in the middle, I'll have a poinsettia dishcloth! The hard part of this cloth was keeping the yarn on the needles at the end. The double pointed needles I used were nearly too short and stitches kept falling off the ends, especially the yarn over stitches. Starting was also a heckuvan adventure too because it's difficult to keep two stitches on four needles; it was like playing reverse pick-up sticks. It was keep-holding-them-so-they-don't-fall-out-of-the-stitches-and-try-to-remember-which-needle-to-knit-off-next sticks. Not a fun game. But it only lasted a few rounds. The actual pattern was easy to follow. I did have to figure out how to do a yarn over from a knit stitch to a purl stitch but I found an extra couple of brain cells to help me work that out and all was well.

I'm dreaming of a warm Christmas

Actually, not really. I like this weather, except church was canceled. Normally, I wouldn't mind church cancellation, but since this is the Sunday before Christmas, I was looking forward to hearing the congregation sing a couple of my favorite hymns nice and loud while I play (and literally pull out all the stops. Except the organ I use doesn't have pull-out stops, it has switch stops, sigh).

Christmas plans are all set, Christmas presents are all bought (except for Hayley's present for Matt and a couple of gift cards), Christmas cookie dough is being made. I have dough in the fridge for three kinds of cookies--molasses, chocolate pinwheel, and Andes mint. Today maybe I'll do the oatmeal dough for the Hershey bar cookies. Pretty soon my fridge will be completely filled with cookie dough, with no room for stuff like milk and eggs. Oh well, Christmas is not a time for eggs and milk, it's a time for COOKIES! And cardamom bread, which I will make Monday.

Guess what Jim did yesterday while I took Hayley and Matt to piano lessons? He primed the sewing room walls for painting! He says it will be all painted by Monday (he's taking Monday off work at the Horsey and Wagon place and he doesn't work that night delivering pizzas). We are miles ahead of my plan for having the room switch completed by next summer! Woohoo!

Time for a couple of pictures. I plan to post pictures of my Christmas nativity scenes up to and including Thursday. I don't have many nativities and none of them are anything special, except maybe the white set that Jen glazed for me. But I like decorating the blog and this is the way I will do it.

First, here is a picture of snow for Jen. Enjoy! If anyone else would like snow for Christmas, there is plenty here in this picture. Feel free to enjoy it with Jen. She won't mind.
This is my glass block nativity with lights inside it. A friend gave it to me last Christmas and I love how it looks when all the lights are off in the living room.

Wild

I loved watching hockey as a teenager. Then I moved to a hockey-less place for a while. When I came back to MN, there was no hockey. When MN finally got a new hockey team, they priced the seats out of a regular working Josephine's price range so I haven't paid much attention to hockey in recent years. But last night I to a Wild game with a friend who had an extra ticket and I was reminded that I still love to watch hockey. I love the non-stop action, I love the fist-fights (and there were at least four of them last night), and I love watching opponents being checked into the boards. One Wild player checked a Calgary player into the boards last night and flipped him on his back. It was AWESOME.

I'd prefer watching the North Stars--North Stars memorabilia brings an acid reflux-like surge of nostalgia--but I'll settle for the Wild (and yes, I'll gladly hate the Dallas Stars for being the former North Stars).

Sadly, the Wild lost in overtime, but I got to be a teenager again for a few hours (except my friend at I talked about babies at one point. For that conversation I definitely wasn't using my teenage store of knowledge).

Deck the blog with festive photos, fa la la la la, la la la la

I should make up new words to old Christmas songs that reflect the new cyber world. But I have other things to do today. I suppose I could just list some titles, though.

"O Come all ye Bloggers"
"O Christmas Flair, O Christmas Flair" (for all you facebook Flair application fans)
"Joy to Youtube!"
New first line to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" could be "You better not troll, you better not flame.."
"Frosty the LOLcat"

OK, time to think of your own. Comment with your list of updated Christmas carol titles.

On to my promised display.

This first picture is a tradition. Every year, I put the kids' pictures on an ornament. I have a family ornament from every year since Katie was a baby. This year's ornament (which I have not yet made) will be the first to actually show a decrease in number of children. Matt says he's kind of looking forward to eventually being the only one on the 2016 and 2017 ornaments. And then I guess I'll stop doing them.

This is an advent calendar for the fake child. Every day she gets to glue a cotton ball on Santa's beard. The coloring is her own design, but she did ask me to draw a heart on the picture, which you can see just beside the ball on Santa's hat.
This is the first advent decoration in my decoration collection. I made it at a church activity. It's somewhat decrepit and it is missing the tree stump, which kept breaking off. The kids insist on having it out so they can "do a bead."
An advent wall hanging. This was easy because the fabric was preprinted with Santa and the tree. I just had to assemble it and cut out the ornaments.
This one I had to piece together. But the ornaments were done with a group. I made a dozen or so mittens and presents to hang on the tree and we exchanged.
Every year, we hang the ornaments from the bottom up and I get a little tickly in my tummy when the tree starts to fill up.

So what decorations in your home do you favor?

Correction ink in a blog

You might (or might not) remember a few posts ago I shared a list of things I have learned. Well, I have to amend one of them.

Specifically #4, wherein I stated (and I quote): 4. Children don't mind being told that they aren't going to win or that they aren't the best at something. "Mom, I entered a contest!" "Wonderful for you. I hope you do your best, but you do realize that you probably aren't going to win, right?" I've said it before, I bring reality to life, not dreams. Pessimistic and mean, you think? Shrug.

I am not amending the statements that I am pessimistic and mean and that I tell my children they are probably not going to be world-class anythings. I have to amend the statement "You probably aren't going to win."

New statement: "You probably aren't going to win. Unless you are me, and then you (I) just might win something."

In my childhood, I won two contests. In first grade, I won a coloring contest sponsored by the fire department. I colored a fireman picture and because I thought the picture lacked necessary details (i.e. a fire hose, a fire truck and a burning house) I added to the picture. A fireman called me a couple of weeks later and explained to me (yes, to me and not to my mother) that my picture--because of the added details--had profited me a toy firetruck. I had no idea what he was talking about. Remember I was in first grade. First graders are not known for understanding anything beyond "Lunchtime!" "Recess!" and "You are in grave trouble." But winning a toy truck does not require understanding, although once the fireman dropped the truck off at my house, I understood. New toy! And boy howdy, did I ever play with truck! It was at least 2 feet long and it had an extendable ladder. I gave no thought to the idea that it might be a boy toy; it was incorporated into many Barbie play sessions. I played with that truck well into my early teens.

The second thing I won was a Sunday school class contest. The teacher wrote on the chalkboard: _ _ _ ergro_ _ _ and we were supposed to guess the word. Winner received a pumpkin (it was around Halloween). The thing about the word, the teacher explained, was that the letters that fit in the first three spaces also fit into the last three spaces and were in the same order.

Can you guess what the word is?

...

...

...

...

...

Underground.

And I guessed it. And I won a pumpkin. I won a pumpkin so large that when my friend Julie kicked it with her foot, she sprained her toe. It must have weighed over a hundred pounds.

My point in all this? Sometimes people do win things. And I won something (something small) just yesterday! There is a blog called seriously so blessed (a satire on Mormon women bloggers) and occasionally there are giveaways on the blog. I won one of the items! A charm bracelet! Check out my name (Shoebox Princess) here on the list! Out of almost 1700 entrants, I won one of the prizes! Go me!

Also if you are The Handsome Prince at the Shoebox castle, you might win a $10 gift card to Target for exemplifying the Horsey and Wagon bank mission statement as an employee, as chosen by other employees. Go Handsome Prince!

Posting while eating blueberries at the computer

Aldi's sells the best blueberries. (And strawberries) I'm eating a little cup of blueberries right now. Plain, no cream or sugar on them. They look like little blue Christmas ornaments, and I'll wager they are tastier.

I must air out several pictures taken recently--they tend to get musty if stored in the computer without a good airing out in public cyberview.

Dec. 6 was Sadie Hawkins at the high school and Jimmy was invited to go. I didn't know that for Sadie Hawkins, the tradition is that the girl gets to not only ask the guy, but gets to pick matching outfits (I was always too scared to ask a guy anything other than "What did you get for #26 in the math homework?" and even then it was more to show the guy that I got the answer right. So I never went to Sadie Hawkins dances). So Jimmy's date picked out T-shirts for them to wear but you see that Jimmy did not want me to take a picture of him with the T-shirt on. In case you can't tell, it's a Pokemon T-shirt. It was the first, and LAST, time Jimmy wore the shirt. He generously donated it to anyone who wanted it. Hayley is the new owner.

He is a picture of a 41-year-old with pink fingernails (and cake).
Children's choir concert from last night. Matt is wearing the hat with strings that he couldn't stop playing with and Hayley is wearing a black hat and is standing in the back row.
Matt doffed his hat to sing "Little Drummer Boy" for the concert all by himself. I wish I could have heard him but it's really hard to hear when behind the piano.
Side note: the accompanist did MUCH better at this concert. She only messed up badly once, missing three measures. She recovered quickly and got back into the song without too much chaos. And in all the musical parts where she was playing without benefit of the choir singing cover up, she did well. She did forget two pages of music at home (poor thing) but the director kindly gave her the two pages from the director's copy, even though the pianist, in less concerty circumstances, could have played the two pages without the music.

Tomorrow I promise Christmas decorations (namely advent calendars. I love advent calendars). I spent all October decked out in orangey Halloweeny happiness, but haven't done the same for Christmas. Tomorrow, I promise some Christmas cheer to rectify that. And if you come to my house, I'll give you some eggnog. Or wassail. Or a cookie. Or you can give me a cookie.

Post Postscript: Katie starts the real job today. Yesterday was orientation. Her official title is "Retail bank operations specialist." Yeah, I know. Real helpful in telling us what she will be doing.

Minne-tundra

Yes. It is cold.

My temperature ratings system:

80+ degrees--sweltering
70-80 degrees--a bit warm
60-70 degrees--beautiful
50-60 degrees--perfect
40-50 degrees--nice
30-40 degrees--refreshing
20-30 degrees--a bit of a chill
10-20 degrees--brisk
0-10 degrees--I could do with a hat and maybe mittens
less than 0 degrees--OK, I'll admit it's cold

The high today is predicted to be -3. And the kids still went to school. Matt is the first (and only) child who does not need to prove his macho-ness by going outside with the least amount of covering as possible. He likes to be warm so he happily gets his snowpants, parka, hat, mittens, and boots to go to school. I'm still trying to get my big boys to wear hats.

Of course on the coldest day in ten months (according to the TV news) I have a multitude of errands to run. Bank, groceries, personal visit, and a children's choir concert tonight. I'll be bundling up.

Jim is home today--he has plans to work on the new sewing room today. The chicken pox are still visible on the wall. I can't wait to be able to get all my craft stuff out of the garage. All my fabric is freezing! I have to pile on more fabric to keep it all warm.

An account of the day

Things I did on my 41st birthday

1. Chose not to exercise
2. Practiced piano. The fingers do not care about birthdays. They threatened to forget every single chord of the Children's Choir Christmas repertoire if I didn't take them for a ride across the ivories.
3. Went to lunch at PF Chang's and ate a scrumptious shrimp dish and devoured a flourless chocolate dome for dessert.
4. Needlepunched
5. Sauteed mushrooms for a dinner I was not going to prepare.
6. Browned a pound of ground beef for the dinner I was not going to prepare.
7. Talked on the phone several times
8. Played Battleship with Matt and kept forgetting to finish the job of sinking his ships.
9. Watched two AWFUL shows. One was the movie "Practical Magic," a mess of a movie that couldn't decide what it wanted to be--horror, romance, Divine Mumbo-Jumbo of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (which also starred Sandra Bullock) knock-off, or kitty litter. The other one was a truly abysmal offering of Christmas cartoonage called "Frosty Returns." I watched it with Hayley and Matt until John Goodman (as Frosty) began to sing about the environmental necessity of snow and then I fled to the computer to ease my suffering with its soothing cyberbalm. I need my brain fumigated after watching such horrific visual sewage.
10. Wondered why no one remembered that there is a cake waiting to be eaten, candles to be blown out, a song to be sung. And then finally, at 9:15 p.m. someone remembered.

Laughter is the Best Medicine (but Claritin for my dust allergy comes in a close second)

Brian Regan is hilarious. Jim took me to see him at the Orpheum theater last night (per my request) and we had a great time. Brian was in fine form last night, even drawing laughs when he admitted he couldn't remember the words to his steroids joke. He paced the stage with pent up energy, and gave his full body to his art. (I sound like a newspaper reviewer) I thought briefly about listing the jokes he told, but a) they'd be less funny in this medium, b) I probably wouldn't remember them correctly, and c) I can't remember all of them. But I do remember being unable to breathe (in a good way) when he did his British accented scientist in the African jungle holding an imaginary pipe (he had to tell us he was holding a pipe). Then his British scientist, upon being told there were 125,000 gorillas over the next hill, escapes on a pogo stick.

I burned at least a thousand calories laughing last night. I coughed all the way home and this morning I woke myself up with squeaky breathing from having laughed myself into asthmatics.

Jake and Steph were there (although we didn't sit by them) with their children who were of the age to appreciate Brian's jokes and I gathered that a good time was had by all three of them.

And now on to matters of today's importance.

Let me share the wisdom I have learned in 41 years of walking this green green earth (or white white earth if you live in Minnesota, Canada, most of Russia, and tops of mountains).

Ten things about life from a 41-year-old
1. My hair CAN look good. Finally, after 40 years, I found a hairstyle that my hair and I both agree on. I do the styling and my hair cooperates.
2. Easy dinners are sometimes the best dinners. Hunk of hot meat, a starch, some sort of plain veggie, a salad, and a fruit for color. My favorite! (and yes, all EASY to prepare, especially if you make your children do it)
3. You don't get yelled at, made fun of, or even ostracized if you go to the grocery store without having showered that day. And no one tells you to your face that you should have combed your hair.
4. Children don't mind being told that they aren't going to win or that they aren't the best at something. "Mom, I entered a contest!" "Wonderful for you. I hope you do your best, but you do realize that you probably aren't going to win, right?" I've said it before, I bring reality to life, not dreams. Pessimistic and mean, you think? Shrug.
5. A load of laundry a day keeps the naked specter away.
6. Take pictures and not just of the important events.
7. Standard English usage is always appreciated, and prevents one from being laughed at.
8. It is possible to yell at your kids in such a way that they laugh and then obey.
9. Wipe down the cellphone with a cloth sanitizer once in a while. And the regular telephone too, while your at it.
10. Lists of ten things you've learned in 41 years are hard. Five things would have been much easier.

ALERT!

Not much in the way of blogging today because....

I'm addressing Christmas cards! Yes, I'm back on the Christmas-card-sending wagon, after taking last year off (and crying about it once. I'm such a stupidhead!).

If you would like to receive a Christmas card from me, but aren't sure that I have your address, please email me at uglyoldbat at hotmail dot com*. Yes, some of you have my AOL address--I'm so cool that I have TWO email accounts! Either that or I'm an information packrat--I can't throw away old email addresses. I got razzed about having an AOL account recently (the guilty party knows who she is), but I just can't give it up! So many of my sign-in info for websites involves my AOL account and I DON'T FEEL LIKE CHANGING THEM ALL OVER.

Don't be afraid to ask for a card! I love sending mail and I bought more than enough stamps to handle the load of envelopes.

Tra-la-la-la-la (I guess considering the season, that should be FA-la-la-la-la)! Christmas card time is here! I love mail! Almost as much as I love shoes.

*Someone asked me once, "Why uglyoldbat for your email address?" and she made a scrunched-up Why-are-you-saying-that-about-yourself face. My response: prettyprettyprincess was taken, and so were many its iterations.

Stuff I have loved lately

Black Adder season 3
A Bit of Fry and Laurie
House (the Fox TV show)
Jeeves and Wooster

All four of the above TV show DVDs feature various incarnations of Hugh Laurie. Hard to believe that the goofy and stupid Prince Regent in Black Adder season 3 is the mean-spirited and never-smiling genius doctor in House (with a flawless American accent). It almost puts me in mind to watch Stuart Little the movie. He plays the dad.

I feel the same way towards Rowan Atkinson; I find it hard to believe that the snide bird Zazu in Lion King is the same person who played the malicious and irritable dimwit Black Adder, and is also the same person who plays the rarely-speaking buffoon Mr. Bean. He also does a nice turn as a nervous clergyman in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Other things I have enjoyed lately:
Hayley's band concert
Knitting up a dishcloth from a very confusing and incorrect pattern--I had to rework it myself
Ham and lentil soup
A mix of Cheerios and Rice Krispies cereals in the morning
Snow
Finding a pair of nice black pants that fit
Fake garland with lights on the halfwall
Practicing piano--I'm getting better at the children's choir songs (have to play them again on Monday)
Body Pump class at the Y yesterday (went on a guest pass with a friend)--my muscles are happily sore today

Scrunging

The squidger of Life is playing Tiddlywinks with my brain cells. Ting! There goes another brain cell skittering off under the couch after a particularly enthusiastic tiddle! The scattering, squoping, and gromping of my wink-y brain cells has left me little gray matter with which to compose an interesting post. So I shall talk about the cats.

The cats keep getting into the little fake trees I set up on the entertainment center in the basement. Yesterday I found a little ornament bulb shattered to pieces, presumably by a feline's canines. I will have to move the display upstairs.

Both cats like to sleep under the Christmas tree. Magic shook the tree when we first set it up, but after a good verbal thrashing, he hasn't done it in my presence again.

OK I've talked about the cats.

Weather? OK how about that? Weather talk is so ingrained in the average Minnesotan's set of social customs that I can have very few brain cells and still be able to carry on a lengthy discussion of the type of weather with any other average Minnesotan. Anyway, the snow gods have seen fit to ensure a white Christmas early on; we got another 5+ inches overnight. We made the boys stay home from seminary because Jim had to carpool to work and couldn't drive the boys and we didn't want Jimmy to drive more than was absolutely necessary this morning. I couldn't drive them to church either. So they got an extra hour of sleep. Paul chose to take the bus to school rather than have Jimmy drive him. I had to drive Hayley to school early for band and the roads were difficult to drive on. Jimmy was gone by the time I got home. Presumably he made it to school ok because I haven't heard from him. No news is good news, right? (for Jenni: No guh-news is good guh-news with Gary Gnu).

My last remaining brain cell has Carnovsky-ed and I must go faceplant myself on the bed to recuperate. Or eat breakfast.

Check out Tiddlywinks for explanations of Carnovsky, squop, gromp, scrunge, and squidger.

I'm getting really good at being humble.

I walked into church yesterday 15 minutes early, ready for a spiritual uplift and glad in the knowledge that I had no responsibilities for any of the meetings. How often does THAT happen in the LDS church?

Bet you can guess what happened...

Yep, the regular organist's car was dead and could I fill in at the last minute? Of course, I'd love to. (sigh--there went my favorite thing about December--SINGING the hymns and at full-throated glory with my plain alto voice that sometimes cracks for no reason so I cough to pretend that my larynx had an itch). Oh well, the next best thing to singing Christmas hymns is playing them. But I couldn't play the first song (Once in David's Royal City) so I said there'd be a switch. No problem, says the bishopric member. I told him that the other two songs would be fine. I could play both of them just dandy. Right.

It's very difficult to play cold. Luckily I had spent the morning on the piano, unluckily, I had been playing other songs. But I proceeded to play a few prelude hymns. And then the humility started. I played them badly. Sigh. I'm going to blame it on the fact that I wasn't playing out of my own personal hymnbook with my own markings in it.

So on with the meeting. First hymn went ok. But I totally botched the sacrament hymn, which I had SAID that I could play.

You know, I've been at this for 5 years or more. And I never seem to get any better. Sigh. But I'm so used to failure at this instrument that I don't go home and cry about it any more. I do still tend to try to apologize to anyone and everyone present in the meeting, though.

After the "I Stand All Amazed" debacle, I saw the regular organist sitting in the back, so I was let off the hook for the last hymn, "Silent Night." Too bad that's like one of the easiest hymns in the whole book, one which I can play WITH THE PEDALS and NO PRACTICE needed. My opportunity to redeem myself was lost.

This story has no happy ending (although I'm not all that sad about it. Humility and high profile exposure of one's shortcomings--at least on the church congregational level--is something I have learned to deal with) but I will say that given the opportunity to sub last minute, I would do it without hesitation, which is something I wouldn't have done 6 years ago. And now I have a profound respect for organists of any talent level. I will gladly accept the meagerist musical offering in an LDS church meeting.

Bumping into people

Remember that mysterious ability of my mother's that I told you about last week? It happened to her again.

This time, she came with me to Hayley and Matt's children's choir concert in Lakeville in a hallway mall (seriously, this place is called a MALL and it consists of A HALL. One other hall Ts off of it, but it's really more of a corridor or aisle between walls). Anyway, no sooner did we find where we were supposed to sing, but someone in a very nice leather coat came flying over, hollering, "KATHY!" arms spread wide, blonde hair waving behind her. She caught mom up in a hug and said in typical Minnesota accent, "It's so goo-ood to seeee youuu-uh!" Turns out my mother knows the MAYOR of the city of Lakeville. My eyes rolled so far down the hall/mall, that I had to go chase them down. I just can't take her anywhere.

We used Aunt Roady to help us get to the hall/mall because last year going to the same place we got hopelessly lost. Mother is quite impressed with Aunt Roady and asked me all kinds of questions about the device and every so often, she would say, "Oh, how handy! I can see how that would be SO HELPFUL!" Now, this is NOT the mother I grew up with. The mother I grew up with would say something like "Tch! What do you need that thing for? It's a lot cheaper just to write the directions down on a piece of scratch paper! We have plenty of scratch paper. You don't need to go anywhere anyway, you can have just as much fun with a stick and a pile of dirt. Or better yet, go pick up some sticks from the back yard and sweep under the trees and comb the grass. And while you're at it, WOOOORRRRK!" (all conversations eventually led back to WOORRK! and why it was good for us and why WOOORRRKK was much better than going to the movies). So this new 2008 version of Mother still takes some getting used to. And this new version of Mother lets me drive her car and doesn't negatively critique (complete with yelling) my driving skills.

The concert went well (except the accompanist's skills left quite a bit to be desired--she was kinda bad. And by kinda, I mean really). I couldn't hear the kids very well because of my position behind the keyboard. No pictures. My excuse? Again, I was behind the keyboard and my fingers were busy.

News of the Castle

Welcome to the Shoebox Castle News blog.

Fashion Corner
Unfortunately, no pretty shoes were purchased today or yesterday. Big ugly boy boots (Princess had to borrow boots from whichever boy the boots currently fit) were worn by the princess as she took the fake child out to make snow angels in the yard (fake child made them. Shoebox Princess feared that if she fell back to make a snow angel that her pants would get all wet, and a princess simply cannot have wet jeans)

Alerts for the Shoebox Castle area
Another 16 year old has been given a driver's license. For your information, the teenager drives a white sedan, wears a blue fleece jacket, and looks like this:His parents were reported to be very proud, yet at the same time, "a bit worried about him driving by himself," to quote the mother. The young man replied that his mother's worries were groundless and he smiled as he drove off to his job in a neighboring town by himself.

Health
Chicken pox has been reported in the area, but the public has been urged not to worry. This strain of varicella is not the highly contagious affliction suffered by many children (varicella zoster), but a strange virus of the walls of future sewing rooms or former boys' bedrooms (varicella poster). A photo of this extremely rare form has surfaced here at the Shoebox News:
Again, humans and animals need not worry. This infection is spread only through the inclinations of boys to maltreat their bedroom walls by poking sharp implements into the sheetrock to hang pieces of paper or just to hear the little popping sound of thumbtack piercing the wall. Applying spackle and letting the walls rest are the best treatment for this disease. This news reporter believes that the young man in the photo is one of the three causes of this outbreak of chicken pox. He could not be reached for comment.

National news
The employment situation and financial outlook has just gotten better for one young woman in Utah. Some readers of this news blog might be aware that she doesn't work at a doctor's office anymore, and has since the beginning of November, been working two part time jobs. But this news reporter has learned that the young lady, Miss Tater Bean, has been offered and has accepted a full time position at a local bank. In a statement given yesterday, Miss Bean said she would be giving up one of the part time jobs to go to the bank, but that she would keep the other part time job to pay for gas. Further details are pending.

Thank you for reading today. Check back tomorrow for the latest news at the Shoebox Castle.

Thin blanket of snow

This post is by request from my husband. Yes, he asked me if I would take a picture of his truck and post it where his dad could see it.
There. Little Red now knows what it is like to be covered with snow. See the icicles hanging down? Poor Red must be cold, being so newly transplanted from the Golden State. But she didn't complain. She's a trooper.

Jim is staying home from work today, using up his vacation days that won't roll over to the new year. His plans are to possibly tape in the new sewing room to prep for painting. Those walls, being the walls of the former sleeping area of three boys, are in need of cleaning up. You can actually SEE the history of pretty much every cold, stuffed nose, sick stomach for 6 years (that's how old the old paint job is) and every picture that Matt cherished enough to tape onto the walls.

The Christmas tree is up, lit, and decorated. A few of my decorations are up around the house, but I think I'm missing a box or two. I am missing my wall hangings, most of the Christmas stockings, some tiny fake Christmas trees, and an assortment of wooden objects.

I am very tired. Fake child came early today, as she did yesterday, and I'm feeling the earliness in my bones. I might have to lie down again.

Making a list, checking it twice

I've got stuff I gotta do today. Lots of stuff.

1. Finish putting away the two Thanksgiving decorations I had out. (Technically, the cornucopia could count for as many as 10 or 12 decorations)
2. Put away the laundry that has been sprawling around my family room floor and making it difficult to walk around the basement.
3. Write some more on my short story. I have GOT to make this a higher priority so I can finish it.
4. Practice piano for the Children's Choir concert.
5. Take a picture of Little Red Rider in the Hood with 5 inches of snow on it. (Yes, we had some snow overnight)
6. Bug Katie about a picture.
7. Make my bed.
8. Go shopping for cocoa because WE ARE OUT OF HOT COCOA MIX! Darn kids don't tell me when we are getting low so when I want some hot cocoa, there is NOTHING TO MAKE IT WITH! I refuse to end up like my mother, drinking plain hot water and pretending to like it.
9. Knit (I gotta put some enjoyable things on my list. I've learned "yo" in knitting! "Yo" as NOT in "Yo, what up, duuuude," "yo" as in "yarn over." Gotta love youtube! I've learned several knitting techniques from it)
10. Ignore the computer. What a time gobbler-upper! The computer is so demanding and selfish of my time. I only have 16 waking hours in the day, and the computer wants to hog a hefty chunk of those hours. It's like a whiny child.

Who put the "fun" in "funeral?"

My mother has this amazing mysterious ability to meet people she knows in random places. Usually, I can't go anywhere with her without her bumping into someone she knows--someone from the town she grew up in, or from her former job, or friends of family (usually it's friends of Aunt Dorothy).

Last night, it happened to me. I have inherited my mother's ability to bump into people I know. And somehow I managed not to shy away from the ability by hiding in the coat closet.

Jim and I went to the wake for Aunt Dorothy's husband, Tom (the funeral is tomorrow and I can't go). I had nice conversations with some of my several dozens of cousins, and as I was chatting with one of them, a lady walked into the church where we were for the wake. She looked strikingly familiar. It just had to be my high school band teacher's wife (or ex-wife. I knew there was a divorce in recent history--my mom keeps me informed of these things. I don't know how she knew this--oh no, I do. There was an article in the paper about my former band director). She was at many of the high school band functions and their youngest son was in my grade and in most of my math classes (as well as band), so I knew who she was. I went to the guest register and sure enough, IT WAS MRS. G! I went up to her and asked her if her last name was G______ and she said it was, and we talked for five or ten minutes. It turns out that she and Mr. G lived across the street from Tom and his first wife for many many years and they were good friends. She didn't know my Aunt Dorothy, but she was there at the wake for Tom. I told her to say hello to her son, whose humor I enjoyed immensely in high school. We discussed music too (she taught instrumental music at the middle schools in our district) and just generally had a good laugh at coincidence. Another coincidence--her son teaches physics at the high school right across the street from my Aunt Dorothy's house.

And then "It's a Small World" started playing in a creepy minor off-key dirge manner in my head and to clear my brain of it, I had to listen to Tom's old-timey jazz and watch Dorothy shimmy to the music. She puts "fun" in "funeral" as well as just about everything else she attends.

Just for cuteness' sake, here is a picture of my cat trying to be a cute little kitty.This is the first time I've ever seen him sleep like this. Usually he's sprawled out like a big fat sausage.

Changing subjects again, I found this webpage very informative: How to cook food in a hotel room. I'm particularly interested in making fondue sauce in a coffee maker. Grilled cheese sandwich with an iron? Not very creative--I'm sure thousands of hungry college freshman males have tried this, although I'm not sure where they would have found an iron.