Larry's not white; Larry's clear.

17 points if you can tell me where the post title came from. -2 points if you googled it to get the answer.

Just because I'm about to complain does not mean that I want consolation. First of all, you don't know what I'm going to complain about yet, and second of all, I'm complaining in more of a I-wanna-blog-about-something-but-this-is-all-I-came-up-with kind of way.

I'm going to complain about a facial feature. Because I once poked fun at myself in a very early blog post and people thought I was either depressed or they didn't like the tone I used to do it, I'm going to say early on that if you think I am hating on myself, keep your comments to yourself. Laugh at me if you will, complain about things you find annoying about your own physical appearance, etc, but I'll thank you not to assume that I need therapy and/or hugs. (I might need therapy, but not about my personal appearance)(as for the hugs, unless you're Jim or unless you have issued forth from my body, you're going to make me nervous and I'll want to run away).

Eyebrows.

My eyebrows are clear. I have them, make no mistake about that, but no one can see them. Having clear eyebrows makes my forehead look really huge.

So I try to draw eyebrows onto my face. I'm really good at penciling the right one, but I usually end up looking like I'd had a three year old do the left one. It never matches the right one, I draw it on too thick at the outer edge, and my efforts to erase it leave me looking like I've been hit by a tennis ball that had brown shoe polish on it. You would think I could draw something as simple as an eyebrow, but you would be wrong.

It's true that I spent a lot of time during my elementary school years drawing, but I only ever practiced drawing princesses and high-heeled shoes (and princesses wearing high-heeled shoes), never life-sized eyebrows. So my drawing skills, such as they are, are completely useless.

The only theory that explains my underwhelming eyebrows is that sometime in the past I must have said, "I never want to have to draw my eyebrows on" and the hard-of-hearing genie in a bottle who is supposed to grant all of my wishes heard, "I forever want to have to draw my eyebrows on." Stupid deaf genie.

PS On the other hand, I'm glad I have clear arm hair. But I also have one hair on my arm that has the ability to grow realllllly long. I have refrained from cutting it just to see how long it will get.