There are ten apps for that

I don't have one of those phones where you can get all kinds of cool apps. I don't have a data sharing plan that lets me browse the internet on my phone. I don't really need all that stuff. Mostly I use my phone for asking Paul where he is, what time will Jimmy be home, and telling Katie that so-and-so got kicked off "The Next Food Network Star." (We were both sad that Aarti won. I liked Herb better.)

But when my brother Mike whipped out his phone to activate his cricket app (the sound of awkward silence) when my mom told a joke (he was layering his joke on top of her joke), I started to think I wanted app capabilities.

These are the applications I would be interested in:

1. An app to tell me when critical food items in the fridge are running out (heaven forbid I should actually open the fridge to check for myself or that anyone in the family would tell me that they just used the last of the milk, eggs, or bread).

2. An app that will point out the exact location of the itch in the middle of my back so Jim can get to it without a lot of wiggling around and telling him, "No left, down, more left, oops too far, now up, arg arg arg you're not getting it!" on my part .

3. One that will tell me before I go downstairs if the cats have thrown up overnight. I hate it when my feet are surprised.

4. A klaxon app that will alert me when I'm about to overstep my calorie consumption boundaries.

5. And a side app to silence the klaxon app so I can eat the second piece of cake anyway.

6. An app that will diagnose mysterious bruises that appear on my left big toe. Just got another one last night and I have no idea why the blood vessel burst. Could it be related to the disaster that happened on the last day of sixth grade when I dropped a soccer pole on my toe and smashed it to bits? I need that app to tell me!

7. An app that will warn me when I'm about to spill food on my shirt. On second thought, maybe not. It would be in a constant state of alert.

8. An app to tell me the location of the nearest drinking fountain that supplies COLD water. I hate lukewarm water.

9. An app that will provide a way for me to exit awkward situations without undue embarrassment for either party.

10. A cattle prod app that I can use on the children when they are annoying me or when they aren't doing their jobs.

What kind of apps would you like to have?


Jen said…
Surprisingly, I have 8 of out of 10 of those apps on my phone;) Don't I wish. Those would be the best apps and would get used ALL THE TIME, especially the pre-spot detector.

I do have a calorie counter app that I can look up calorie content of any food out there even most menu items at most restaurants. Now, this doesn't mean I actually used it after the day I downloaded it. There are also really annoying apps that unload the worst sounds in the world that you could use when your kids aren't doing what you told them to do. I agree, many of the apps I've downloaded are probably not going to get used, but I must say I do love many of them such as my grocery list app that syncs with Mike's phone, so either of us can add things and will show up on both phones. It also allows for addition of recipes and makes a list from recipes. I also have my bank account app that lets me deposit checks right from my phone. And I can scan barcodes to compare prices before buying. I could list many many more. So yes, I'm a little obsessed with my apps.
Dennis said…
What's an app? jk
Jenni said…
First, is his name pronounced "Herb" with the "H" or "erb" as in basil? He is a chef is he not?

I would like a...I don't know. I just want someone to clean my house and make dinner. I don't know if there is an app for that.
There should be apps in your house for that, Jenni, aka Morgan, Rozzie, Maddie and Travis.

Jen--I am envious of your grocery app and the barcode app. Is there an app that makes it look like I'm thinner in dressing room mirrors?
Jen said…
Sara-that would be a funhouse mirror. Now I wish there was one because there is something that goes on in those dressing room mirrors.
Shantel said…
this is great! i could use most of these too!