Womanicures

That's what it should be at least. I don't know many men who have their nails done.

ANYWAY.

In preparation for the bank teller interview last week, I had a manicure including acrylic nails for the second time in my life. Normally my nails are a shoddy mess because they are thin and brittle so they break and flake and rip all the time. I did manage to grow them out a couple of times and I discovered also that my nails curve and bend in a most unattractive way. (we will not even be discussing my toenails. You are not prepared for such hideousness. Especially of the kind presented by my pinky toenails) So for a situation where I have to look my best, my natural best is best covered up.

So we have fake nails.

Why is it that whenever I have fake nails, my body breaks out into continuous itching? These acrylic nails SUCK at satisfying any kind of itch. It's like trying to scratch something with the edge of a ceramic dinner plate.

So for today's post, I have a list of ten things I have been using to scratch my itches (and my whole lower legs are a mass of mosquito bites so I've always got some kind of implement in my fashionable yet completely useless fingers):

1. Pen caps
2. Mechanical pencils (with the graphite leads retracted so I don't write on myself)
3. Credit cards
4. Jim's fingernails
5. Very small rocks (movie reference!) (but not this rock)
6. Forks
7. Wire brushes
8. The metal edge of the roll-out keyboard shelf on the desk
9. The metal parts of USB ports
10. Scissors--seriously. I scrape the blade across the affected skin. Yes, I look like I have road rash, but I'd rather sting from a scrape than be tormented by constant itching that cannot be relieved.

Comments

Jen said…
I love the look of acrylic nails, but that was my biggest complaint, too...NO REAL SCRATCHING could be done those dang nails. And I'm a scratcher. I feel your pain and hope you can find an object that will suit your scratching needs while you have those nails. Credit cards work wonders. Get one that you can keep in your pocket at all times;P
Jenni said…
I have filed my fake nails off. I'm ready for a break for a bit! Now I just paint my nails every other day just because I like to. Now, why is it you have so many skeeter bites?
TaterBean said…
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL MOVIE REFERENCE!
Jake said…
I believe that the title to this post references yet another movie. "very small rocks" is good, but I believe the title houses a more obscure movie ref. Text me if you get it.