Ten things about table manners that make a mother go "GRRRRRR" very loudly:
1. Eat your last bite of food just as your mother sits down at the table and prepares to eat her first bite.
2. Ask a sibling to throw a tiny potato at you so you can try to catch it in your mouth.
3. Laugh loud and long with your mouth open and full of half-chewed roast.
4. Pick through the fruit cocktail for the peaches and pears ONLY.
5. Insist that you really only like mashed potatoes, but after the mom evil-eye stare, you put the piece of potato in your mouth and place it in your cheek, look directly at your mother and make sure she is looking at you, the take the heel of your hand and use it to squish the lump of unchewed potato through your teeth.
6. Insist that you can't eat anything on the dinner plate because you accidentally forgot to shake the ketchup bottle before using it and hence squirted the runny ketchup water all over your food rendering it "inedible."
7. Cover everything with mustard and, as a bonus, mangle the mustard bottle into a hitherto unknown geometrical shape making it impossible for the last tablespoon of mustard to be squeezed out on mother's hot dog.
8. Drink the leftover fruit juice from the fruit cocktail straight out of the fruit cocktail bowl.
9. When setting the table, place the orphan fork/spoon/knife at mother's place on purpose despite the foreknowledge that she doesn't like those utensils. Ditto the kid-size utensils.
10. Laugh hysterically when mother suggests that you are eating like a barbarian and that she despairs of you ever being civilized.
Other Jim (and one or two other children) will seriously disgrace his mother if he EVER eats at someone else's house with the manners (or severe lack thereof) he uses at home. Fortunately Jim says that there are etiquette classes at the MTC. I'm just hoping that next year OJ will practice what I have been TRYING to preach when he attends BYU-I, and that he will NOT gross out the entire female population in Rexburg.