bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the bibopsy

So what movie is that from? Jenni, you can't guess cuz we already discussed it.

Guess what I get to do? I get to have a biopsy!

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Did I freak you all out? :D

In all seriousness, it is nothing. Really. I just have a few microscopic dots in my left breast that need to be looked at. I have some microcalcifications, which are normal, and then a cluster of itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini spots that are slightly different. I saw the pictures and to me, these OTHER dots look just like the microcalcifications, but what do I know? The doctor didn't act concerned; she just said, "they look a little different and I want to see what they are and these are your options: biopsy, MRI, or nuclear imaging." (Um, no thanks on that last option. I do not want to be my husband's nightlight) No mention was made of the big C word, and the doctor didn't even furrow her brow or look serious. She didn't pat my hand or ask me if I needed a moment or a tissue. Personally, I'd bet that the little dots are remnants of not-chewed-enough Doritos from Super Bowl Sunday that somehow got lodged in the ductwork.

I'm kind of excited because, as a naturally curious person, I want to know what these little things are. I am one of those people who actually doesn't mind getting blood drawn (I even like to watch) because I get to see something that was inside my body, helping me function as a living human being. I also like the idea of two days of recovery. I get permission to do nothing (well, at least no heavy lifting)! Guilt-free! I also like saying "I get to have a biopsy," knowing that it's not going to be as bad as the images of the word "biopsy" conjure up. It's a minimally invasive, in-office procedure involving a little tube and a tiny vacuum (hmmm, can they vacuum up a couple of extra ounces--or pounds even--while they are in there? I think there are some dustbunnies between some ribs, maybe they could get those out as well). I could have just gone with the MRI, but health insurance will pay for only 80% of an MRI, but will cover all but a minimal copay of the biopsy. (biopsy biopsy biopsy...sounds like a name for a little girl's dolly).

Anyway, that's the excitement. Yesterday started out kinda blah, but then the follow-up mammogram was a last minute addition to my Wednesday afternoon and suddenly, things got interesting. Oh yeah, I almost forgot--I also got an ultrasound in my armpit (good thing I shaved yesterday). I told the technician as she was gooing me up that an armpit ultrasound isn't nearly as exciting as a prenatal ultrasound that shows a baby's gender. She chuckled. The lymph nodes in my left armpit are fine (and all girls), by the way. They say hello and hope that you all are well.

Again, no worries, so please don't leave any pity comments. And don't call, unless you want to tell me that your cat just had kittens (in which case, I shall squeal with girlish excitement, but I won't take a kitten off your hands because we are still using the kitties we got from the last time someone called about a pregnant cat). You may, however, leave comments about fun medical procedures you have had!

PS: The letters on the N, M, and L keys on my computer keyboard are wearing off. Pressing these keys still signals the computer to type those letters, but if you are a hunt-and-peck keyboardist, you will hunt long and hard to no avail for N, M, and L. Just thought you should know.

Comments

Jen said…
Well, I won't leave any "pity" message, but like it or not I am going to say a prayer for you. It's always nice to have someone think of you in their prayers, and it can only help, right? I really do hope they are just Dorito remnants.

See you tomorrow!

P.S. What's an ingship (my word verification). A ship that imports ings or like a partnership, it's an ingship but how do you "ing" with someone.
TaterBean said…
my big fat greek wedding...right?
Marta said…
we tried writing the letters back on our keyboard with sharpies but they wore off too fast. nail polish works better.
Dennis said…
You should have opted for the nuc test. I've done it several times when I've had stress tests (last one was just after Christmas). Mine take about 3 hrs and they injected a radioactive isotope (or something) into the IV (that's not a 4) and they looked at my heart and stuff. I hate IV's because my blood lines are small, deep and they blow out once the 4 is inserted causing the nurse to search and dig around some more.
I hope all is well. Switch to potato chips.
I hope everything turns out to be Doritos. I thought a mammogram wasn't nearly as bad as everyone says. (Of course, it might hurt worse if you have something to squish.) I still think the dentist is the worst.
Marta--I will try the nail polish, although we have a black keyboard (dang!)

Dad--Do you think Pringles would be an acceptable alternative?

Steph--I have plenty to squish and I didn't think it hurt at all. Even with the second round.

Biopsy is scheduled! Needles ahoy!
Shantel said…
I dont remember this, but Joel said that when I was having my C-section with Emma, I asked them to give me a tummy-tuck while they were at it. Also while I was getting a heart ultrsound recently the tech kept grabbing my boob, and the other tech would say "um..that's really not nessesary"But he kept doing it!!! But I guess they kind of had to do that for you....sorry....
caitlin from CA said…
it's from "my big fat greek wedding," very hilarious :)