You say you want a resolution

Once upon a time in another blog-iverse (on the blog-planet CGB), I wrote a blog post about New Year's resolutions in which I determined that I was just fine as I am and resolutions were stupid because they were guaranteed to fail. I won't repost it here, because I wrote it as a different person and it's a bit edgier (inasmuch as I get edgy--I'm as edgy as a glob of Silly Putty) than what I usually post here.

I still roll my eyes at New Year's resolutions. I can't even keep to a schedule for more than three days; what makes anyone think I can keep a resolution for the whole year? I was pretty pleased with myself for keeping up the Halloween Decoration Special Feature for a whole month, but notice I didn't try anything similar for Christmas!

But still, federal holiday law mandates that I must make some resolutions, otherwise I am subject to New Year's holiday penalties such as, but not limited to: severe restrictions in the amount of fun I am allowed to have on subsequent holidays, enforced celebration of solstices, Presidents' Day (or is it President's Day?), Singles Awareness Day, and International Earth Day (meaning I'd have to send out a card to everyone on Earth), and all holiday treats I would be allowed to consume would have to be carob-based and sugar free.

So I am pretty much forced to make resolutions. Fortunately, I have full liberty of resolution creation; no one can tell me what to resolve to do.

Therefore, I, Shoebox Princess resolve to:

1. Buy a new pair of pretty pretty walkaround shoes this spring (maybe even two pairs!). My old sneaks are disintegrating after severe bullying and multiple piledriving by the teegage boys' muscular tennis shoe-boats.
2. Restrict the use of pizza delivery to once a week, unless I really need a break from making dinner.
3. Keep on blogging nearly daily. I might take a day off here and there, but for the most part, I'll keep pace as usual. Look forward to a first blogging anniversary post March 9th (somewhere aroudn there anyway).
4. Do my Saturday chores. I've been slacking, especially when it's my turn to vacuum the basement. Although, if I really just don't have the motivation to do my job, then I am allowed to bribe one of the kids to do it for me.
5. Hoard food. My favorite food item to hoard is spaghetti sauce and mayonnaise. Sadly, I won't be hoarding these two items in the girls' room any more and will never over hear a friend of my daughter ask "Why do you have several jars of mayonnaise in your closet?" and I will nevermore be able to answer for my daughter, "I collect mayonnaise!" And I will never see that friend scootch a few inches away and avoid my gaze.
6. Sew something. Maybe that bathrobe that my mother purchased material for me for my 40th birthday over a year ago. Or at least fix a hem. Or perforate paper in a straight line with an unthreaded sewing machine.
7. Practice my Wii power-bowling. Jimmy broke my record and I must practice and get better at it. The record stands at 538 (Paul and Jimmy tied). My best is 512.
8. Prune the techny arborvitae. I'm only putting this on the list because a concerned citizen arborist told me I had to.
9. Not ever use the word "threnody" correctly in a spoken sentence or written passage.
10. Not make a 10th resolution.

There. New Year's resolution obligation fulfilled. Happy 2009!

Comments

Jen said…
I really like your resolutions. I don't think I have ever made resolutions for myself because I know myself too well and know that I would never follow through with any of them. Good luck with your "resolutions".
Jim said…
I like the Beatle reference!! Speaking of which I'm still working on last year's resolutions.
I slipped that reference in there just for you!