Two things I have said that when taken out of their original context and examined on their own that have caused much laughter, but when used in response to actions or requests of others are perfectly reasonable responses:

"No, I do not need to see anymore of the brown guy." (scroll down for the other one)

For some reason unfathomable to me, this particular statement (which I freely admit to uttering) caused Hayley and Matt to nearly dissolve into puddles of laughter at Target last night. And we all know how hard it is to get puddles of laughter back into our vans. Or even out of the Halloween candy aisle, where we were standing. And then just as their eruptive laughter began to subside, one of them said, "Say that again, mom!" And at that moment I saw what the upper inside of my eyelids looked like. I was tempted to drag them through the lingerie department just to get back at them. Of course, I'd probably be the one who would end up embarrassed. Last time I did that with a little kid, that little kid decided he couldn't resist poking the carefully formed fabric "cups" that lined the aisles of the lingerie department. I think that was the only time I have ever achieved flight speed, as I dragged the little boy to the socks department. He was a little disappointed that I had ruined his fun.

Anyway, the "brown guy" statement was a perfectly reasonable response to Matt and Hayley's request to spend more time looking at some hideous, brown, stuffed, cubic creature with Spongebob-like arms and legs, and consisting entirely of teeth-filled mouth, whose name is apparently "Domo." I don't know why it was so funny. Hayley informed me it was the way I said it and she did a spot-on imitation of me, except me made me out to be a much sillier person. And when she imitated me, Matt, of course, laughed afresh and could not be calmed down for several minutes.

"Stop licking the doorknob while I am talking to you."

This one was uttered, oh, probably 12-13 years ago. We had the missionaries over for dinner and the Katie and Jimmy were misbehaving as usual. So I hauled them into the back hall and began to lecture them. Jimmy's response to my hollerin' was to lick the doorknob (guess how effective I am at parenting). And so I had no choice but to say the words above. And the missionaries must have been listening, because after I spoke, I heard snorting and barely concealed laughter coming from the front room where they were. And then of course, Jimmy started laughing and then Katie and pretty soon even I couldn't help myself. But I still had to shake my fists menacingly at Katie and Jimmy to register my disapproval at their misbehavior.

It is so hard being a mother when people, especially your children, laugh at you! Sniff!


Jen said…
I like to think of that, too, what people may be thinking if they only overheard some of the things I say to my children especially if they thought I was talking to an adult. My favorite to date is, "Quit, chewing on your toes!" This was actually said while were out to lunch, and Mimi had her sandals off and was finding her toes more appetizing than the food on her plate. Yum!

Another favorite when Annie was a baby, "Ugh, how do you get poo-poo in your p-p?!?" I was saying this while changing her diaper in Target, and avery, young woman walked in just as I was saying that and gave me a totally disgusted look.
froggybaby said…
Silliness!! Although, I've been known to lick a doorknob or two. Especially in the cold and get my tongue stuck to it!
Katie said…
HEHE...was that jimmy that was poking the "cups." it just seems like something he would do when he was little...but maybe not. i do like the licking doorknobs one. that's pretty dang funny!